Being of Sound Mind and Body

It has been a week since the sudden, shocking death of Anna Nicole Smith (may she rest in peace). Surprisingly, I am still rattled by the whole thing, but I think that is because of all the hoopla that has continued since her passing. It has given me pause.

I have thought about creating a Living Will on and off throughout my lifetime, but I never got around to making one. However, after seeing all the back-and-forth fighting that is going on over Anna’s remains, and the legal talk about custody and parental rights, I have realized something: these fights go on all the time; we just don’t know or hear about them, since most of us are not in the public spotlight.

I really feel for Howard K. Stern. It is obvious to me that Anna was not close to her blood-family; her “real” family had nothing to do with blood-ties. This poor man has been through a lot with Anna, and now, in his deepest time of grief, he is being hounded and threatened by those who are trying to lay claim to what is his – what is rightfully his by heart ownership, but not necessarily legal ownership.

The law does not care about matters of the heart.

I have lived a good life so far, and I intend on living a good life for many decades to come. However, after seeing what Howard K. Stern is going through, I have come to realize that I cannot leave my wishes of a long life up to chance. In other words, should something terrible befall me, I wish that I already had a plan in place so that my grieving husband can grieve in peace. No one deserves to go through what Mr. Stern is going through, and if there’s anything I can do to prevent that from happening to those I love, then I am going to do it.

I started filling out a Living Will I found on an Internet site and almost instantly started feeling queasy. I had to answer questions regarding if I were in a terminal state, do I wish to have artificially administered food and water, and comfort care? Then I had to answer similar questions for the conditions of permanent coma and vegetative state. Let me tell you, this is not an exercise for the faint of heart! Being of sound mind and body, considering my death (which suddenly seemed palpable and inescapable) is very, very tough to do! And if that were not enough, I had to answer how I would like to proceed were it discovered I was pregnant when an above scenario befell me: do I wish to keep to the plan, or allow treatment until the pregnancy was fulfilled?

I eventually finished the Living Will, but there were some things that were not covered, and I wasn’t convinced that this Living Will was as complete as it could or should be. I don’t want any loopholes, you see. Plus, I had to pay for it, which I didn’t feel like doing, and then I would have had to have it notarized. That’s kind of a lot of work. Maybe I need to absorb more of the shock of realizing that as scary, scary, scary as it is; I need to have a Living Will. Or maybe these are all excuses because I am a chicken-butt.

But I have to get over my chicken-buttness, because the law does not care about matters of the heart.

It is a weird collision of worlds, when heart meets law. The law, by nature, has no heart. It cannot, or else it may succumb to being partial, and no amount of begging and pleading by the heart will persuade the law to see things differently. We have been given tools by the law so that our hearts can express themselves in a way the law can understand. However, those tools mean nothing if we do not use them. I guess I just have to figure out a way to shut my heart up until I can complete the Living Will.

Catch-up

Okay, it's been over a month since I've posted a blog, and that it simply unacceptable! So here's what has been going on...

January started out well, until I learned about a new contracting policy implemented by the fortune 50 company I currently contract for. In the past, contractors had to take a mandatory 4-month break from contracting for the company after the 2-year contract limit has been reached. Well, that has changed. Now, contractors are not allowed to come back, period. This is a huge, major setback for contractors. I have worked for several years to get this fortune 50 company listed on my resume, and they were known for bringing contractors back over and over again. And now all that is for nothing. And since they are a major employer in this town, it means a lot of available work is no longer available to me.

Naturally, we stepped up the job search. I'm tired of being an "almost" employee. I want the benefits. I want the commitment from a company. I want decent health insurance. What we found was that there are not a lot of permanent jobs in Richmond for the kind of work I do. But there are in Texas. And the cost of houses is half of what it is here. Now, we don't want to move. We want to settle down and put down roots, and we've just begun to do that here. Hopefully we can stay here, and if not, well we've found a place we think we'll really enjoy.

And now a word about Anna Nicole. I'm not going to bore you with details of her life, since we all know them at this point. What strikes me is the sobering reminder that you don't know what will become of the choices you make, and she paid a high, high price for a choice she made in her early twenties - a time most of us look back on and go, "wow, I made some dumb choices!" and we shake our heads, happy to be older and wiser. What gets me is that this could have happened to just about anyone. I've always secretly rooted for Anna Nicole; she had so much going for her. She just needed a little guidance, perhaps. Or perhaps not. But what she went through is way more than what most people ever face, and she fought to stay on top of it all, and I admire that. Still, I cannot blame her if she got tired, if she realized her life had created a life of its own, and it got the best of her. I can't say I would have done any better if I were in her shoes.

Hmmm, what else...Stefan is taking Chantix. It's a prescription medication that helps quit the smoking habit. It works by blocking the nicotine receptors in the brain while giving the person a dopamine boost. All other meds work by rationing nicotine in other forms than smoking - nicotine is the addictive substance. If a person has control over the habit but has a nicotine addiction, then patches and gum don't work. And that's where we are at now.

I think that is it! We are looking forward to a nice, romantic evening at home tomorrow evening, complete with a home-cooked meal and chocolate mousse and a sappy movie. I love being in love!

Happy Valentine's Day, my Precious Husband!