And the Emmy Goes to....

Me.

Yup, me.

Seriously, though, I’m just going to pick on actors and actresses for a moment, and the whole entertainment industry as a whole.

You see, I have not watched television in I can’t even remember when. Here we are, with this big, beautiful plasma tv on the living room wall going to waste (thank you, Stefan for putting it up while I was at work to surprise me, even though it’s at least a 2-person job. You truly deserve an Emmy.). We have been so frickin’ busy to even watch our tivo-recorded shows. In fact, in a rare moment of downtime last night, I tried to watch an episode of House that was recorded back on June 27. The idea that we are two months’ behind on all our favorite shows is daunting. I only got about 10 minutes into the House episode before I got bored.

Bored watching television. This is a new concept, indeed. I can’t remember when the last time life was so exciting, that watching television actually bored me! I realize I might sound like I’m gloating, but I don’t mean to be. I am just surprised.

Just like I would be surprised if a big televised event occurred where I won an award for “best written user’s manual.” I mean, isn’t my job important, too? Oh, that’s right. Nobody would be interested in that. It would be, well...boring. True, I’m not entertaining the masses, but if it weren’t for people like me, people like us wouldn’t know how to run the blender or interpret the blinking signal in the airplane cockpit. Does two fast blinks mean engine failure, or is that three fast blinks? I don’t remember. Lemee see the manual....

But don’t you feel just a little bit gyyped that you don’t get awards for doing your work? Wouldn’t you love to get all dolled-up and go out to a fancy, all-expenses paid extravanganza and be pampered from head to toe because of your amazing networking skills? Or your ability to feed the dog, make dinner, and change a baby’s diaper all at the same time? Or for showing up to work on time everyday, despite the fact that everything in your personal life is taking a nose-dive down a clogged toilet? It amazes me sometimes that we even function at all. We’re expected to plow forward, personal life be-damned, and put on a pleasant face and attitude for our co-workers. If not, we’ll get canned.

And then there’s the entertainment industry, where people are waited on hand and foot, and someone makes sure there are no green M&M’s in the bowl, which must be a specific sized bowl and color, and 12 dozen peach-scented roses waiting in the green-room for your 5-minute walk-on. Only in the entertainment idustry can you get to work late, trashed, strung-out, drunk, hysterical, and treat those around you like a fungus-infected foot bath, and then you get....gasp! An AWARD.

I know, I know. I’m making blanket statements. I’m sure it takes a lot of hard work to become recognized, and not everyone is as I just described. And I’m really not as cynical as I sound. I just think award ceremonies are getting a bit ridiculous.

Owning a Pool is a Lot of Work

Owning a pool is a lot of work!

This is what people typically tell us when we tell them we have a pool. At first, I thought that what they really meant by that was, "You lucky bastards. I hate you!"

Sadly, I was mistaken.

Owning a pool is a lot of work.

We were pretty excited when we first got the pool, often going in when the air temperature was 80, and the water temperature was in the upper 60s. Unfortunately, as the days get hotter, the water actually feels better when it warms up. Ideally, to 84 degrees. I think we saw 84 degrees but once this summer. When we erected the pool, we hadn't considered the location of the trees in the wetlands, and the pool only gets direct sunlight for a few brief hours in the morning. Then the sun rises and the trees shade the pool, thus depriving it of its life-giving sunlight. Skinny-dipping is no fun when you're shivering.

Before we realized this, however, we switched from chlorine to baquacil. The reason for this was I was about to get another perm, and I wanted to maintain it to some degree over the summer without totally over-drying and destroying my hair. The chemical switch cost around $600. And the pool stank. I mean it stank like algae, although there was none, because the pool never got warm enough to encourage algae to grow. Also, sucking in baquacil-infested water is one of the nastiest things a person could ever encounter. I wish someone had warned us of this, but who's going to warn us when they're about to make a sweet commission off a $600 sale?

The quality of pool products in comparison to their price, upkeep, and lack of product review is astounding. I could go on and on about this, but I'll save it for another post. I can't help but give an example, though. Imagine you've just spent 5 grand on a pool. That's a sizeable chunk of change. You expect everything to be pristine. But the ladder is a cheap piece of crap, and in order to weigh down the ladder inside the pool, you are supplied with 2 large ziplock bags (yes, I said ziplock) that you're supposed to fill with 50 pounds of sand each. So you fill the bags and weigh down the ladder, but you're skeptical about how the bags will stay ziplocked. What will happen if they don't stay ziplocked? You dump 100 pounds of sand into your pool, which you must now vacuum out, which clogs the pump and the filter (yet another very expensive bit of equipment which ironically comes with no instructions) and nothing functions right for a week. Don't ask me how I know this. I might growl at you.

Okay, so we resign ourselves to the idea that we will have to buy a pool heater if we're going to get the full enjoyment out of our pool for years to come. We're talking dropping now $2,200 for something we can't find any reviews about to tell us whether the money is worth it or not.

We went up to Richmond today to get a week's worth of baquacil so we can get in the pool and clean it this week before closing it up for the winter. We have a pool store right around the corner from us, and we could go there, had it not been for my previous point: the quality of their products in relation to their inflated prices is mind-boggling. Literally EVERYTHING we've ever bought from them has broken or has been defective. We've had slightly better odds at the pool store in Richmond. So off to Richmond we go.

While at the pool store in Richmond, we see these sun panels that can be attached to the pool, and the idea is that they collect the sun and use it to heat the pool by pushing the heat through the pump. Cost? $365. Hmmmm, we wonder. But does it work? It claims it pushes 80,000 BTUs per day. But we have a lot of trees, and the solar panels might not get enough sun to do any good. On the other hand, if they do work....well we've just saved ourselves a ton of money....but is it worth it to spend $365 to find out? We pass for now.

We pick up the baquacil we need, and the friendly chemical guy says hello and says, oh, you need more baquacil? To which I reply yes, and it's too bad we have to buy more when we're just about ready to close up the pool, because next year, we're switching back to chlorine. At least the water smells disinfected. And he says, "Salt is the way to go. It's really the best thing." and he shows us this $400 piece of equipment which apparently you add salt to it, and the salt goes in the water and creates chlorine. He says it's way cheaper than going with chlorine, because instead of spending tons of money each year on chemicals, you only spend $50 a year on salt. Additionally, this miracle product prevents the damaging effects of chlorinated water on skin, hair and clothing.

I'm skeptical. I ask questions. Does the water smell funky? Is it salty, like sea water? Does it leave a crusty brine around the rim when the water in the pool evaporates, but the salt does not? Like he knows. He doesn't own a pool. Still, the idea is tempting...

It's almost 7:30 now, and Stefan has been in the pool since 3 this afternoon, trying to clean out all the debris from the pine tree that is dropping pine cones, bits of pine cones, and needles into the pool. These things clog up very easily, and the pool is more covered in pine by-products than I initially thought. He's gotten about a quarter of the pool clean so far.

So we decided that before we open the pool next year, we're going to take down this offensive tree. And while we're at it, we're going to take down 3 additional trees, thus leaving only one tree in our backyard, and that one is far away from the pool. We don't want to do this; we have to do this if we are going to have any fun with our pool for the next 20 years or so.

Owning a pool is a lot of work. We have spent more time fussing with the pool this summer than we have enjoying it. I keep reminding myself though, that it's only hard work now. It will get better, as we learn exactly what it means to be pool owners, and then we really will be lucky bastards.

Right? Right?!?!

Perry is the New Ghandi

Okay, so the puppy potty-training has been going well, aside from a massive slip-up earlier this week, when we were getting ready for bed as usual. This requires us rounding up the dogs and making sure they stay upstairs with us while we brush our teeth and change into our night clothes and set the alarm clock. No biggie, right? Riiiiight....

We finish brushing our teeth and Stefan heads into the bedroom where I promptly hear him yell "OH....MY....GOD!!!" I rush in, and see what he is pointing at (words have failed him now) and see a huge wet pee stain right smack in the middle of the bed. Cubby immediately tucks his tail, and makes a bee-line for his crate (his usual punishment). We pull back the comforter and sheets and only by the grace of the powers above has this massive wet stain not soaked through to the mattress, otherwise I'd be writing a different post right now about how we only have 2 dogs instead of 3 (this is a great reason to get into the habit of making your bed everyday, by the way - the layers of sheets saved us).

I'm really tired and really pissed, so I mentioned I thought Cubby did not deserve to sleep in the house tonight. We should put him in the pen outside in the back yard. Stefan agrees - his usual punishment just doesn't fit this crime. So I drag Cubby out of his crate and proceed to carry him downstairs and outside and I lock him in the pen.

Now, Cubby isn't your normal puppy. He doesn't whine or howl. He screams. And when he screams, he sounds like a goose being mercilessly chased by an ax murderer. You know how most animals and children, if given enough time, will settle down into their punishment and accept their fate and usually stop crying and fall asleep? Yeah, Cubby's not like that, either. He screamed and honked ALL NIGHT LONG. Want to know how I know? I am the world's lightest sleeper. I was ready to either bring him back into the house (which I didn't dare do, because he'd only learn that if he is persistent long enough, I will cave to his demands), or go out there and sucker-punch him. I did neither.

As customary, after the alarm went off, we let Perry outside to pee. As I looked out the bathroom window to make sure Cubby hadn't strangled himself, I saw that Cubby had worked a pretty sizeable hole in the side of the pen, where he could fit his head and shoulders through. Perry rushed out to see his brother, and next thing I knew, Perry had crawled through the hole in the pen to keep Cubby company. Then he sat down and stared back at us, as though staging his very own sit-in.

We ate breakfast, and Perry's passive resistance campaign continued. He sat stone still, never moving from his spot, never taking his eyes off the back door, ears cocked straight forward. We knew he was campaigning for the release of his brother. So we caved.

I think maybe Perry was Ghandi in a past life.

Dave and Sam's Wedding

Dave and Sam got married yesterday at Pocohontas State Park. The weather was stunning for August - a nice, balmy 80 degrees, with low humidity and just a few fluffy clouds.

Dave wore a traditional black suit, with a black button-down shirt and a snappy red tie. Sam wore an exsquisite red dress. All eyes were on her. She looked absolutely breath-taking!

The ceremony was performed by a close friend, and she kept the ceremony in proportion to the beautiful outdoor setting - simple, natural, and sweet. Another friend blessed the couple before and after the vow exchange.

Everyone enjoyed themselves. I'm truly happy for Sam and Dave. It's wonderful to witness the joy of friends in love. After enjoying a cook-out, us younger folks went back to Sam and Dave's for the adult reception (alchohol is not permitted within the park), where several folks gave toasts, Stefan included. We broke out the wine and the houkkah (did I spell that right?), and from there, things got wild. We're all a little "delicate" today. LOL

Congratulations again to Dave and Sam. You guys are so much fun to hang out with, and I'm so happy for you both. Here's to a long, happy marriage, and a long, happy friendship!

Random Stuff

So the other women I work with think I'm dumb. Obviously, it goes against their laws to be beautiful AND smart. So they load this software onto my PC, and give me an outdated manual to read, along with a dummy database. The software is nothing more than a database, which displays and cross-references all kinds of information. You can customize it to your heart's content, so it's almost pointless to read the manual. I'm not going to be customizing it. They just want to use me as a back-up to schedule training classes. Oooooh, soooooo hard! A database is a database is a database.

I digress.

So I'm playing around in the dummy database, and add a note to an employee record. I discover a MAJOR flaw: the date/time stamp can be modified! As can the "username" of the person who wrote the note. So I write this note, and maybe someday, somebody will read it:

08/03/2001 2:22 PM (disgruntled co-worker):

This employee is on the verge of being fired. He is consistently late to work, he dresses like a slob, and he smells like mothballs. Not to mention he is always sucking on hard candy, all day long. His habit of putting everyone on speakerphone, including his voicemail messages, drives everyone around him crazy. He also clips his nails at his desk, and it grosses people out. Nobody wants to hear about the latest development in his toe fungus battle. This is just one example of his lack of boundaries when he interacts with collegues and co-workers. He has recently taken to caring for a kernel of popcorn he found under his desk. He "rescued" it and taped it to his monitor. He named it Maud, and when someone visits him at his cube, he insists that they also say hello to Maud.

I've been a good girl this week. I got up everyday and swam in the pool for half an hour. That, along with Body for Life, has resulted in me losing about 2 pounds this week. Stefan found this website that had several more recipe books that follow BFL, so we got those. It even has a restaurant guide to what can be ordered that follows BFL (mind your portion sizes, of course), and this will come in handy if we ever get in a pinch.

Stefan's been writing like a fiend. We found a local coffeeshop, and he's made fast friends there. It's been great. He has more outside accountability, and since he is a social creature, he is feeding his need to be around other people. I'm really happy for him!

Our lovely neighbors have decided to cut down all the trees in their back yard. They found an after-hours contractor (aka. unlicensed guy who has a day job) to come in with a bobcat and demolition all the beautiful trees which gave us a sense of privacy. We're pretty steamed about this. Considering calling the Army Corp of Engineers, because I believe all the trees they tore down were in federally protected wetlands. We'll see....not sure of how much of a war we want to get into with them, and we want to see what they plan on doing with the land. It will affect our future plans as well. Thank goodness we own a lot of land on the other side of us and it's all federally protected wetlands, so nobody can clear that, too! So much for living in the country! Now we get to listen to the screaming trees as they are being uprooted.

On the flipside, the cutest thing I saw today was our little Perry leaping through the grass, chasing a butterfly. That's when I remember why it's so great to live out here. Our boys are happy.

Big weekend coming up. Stefan wants to spend tonight kicking my butt playing Magic. Tomorrow has turned into a crazy day, with an impromptu bbq at a friend's house, followed up by a girls' night out. One of the girls' husband has decided to banish her from their house on his poker nights. Whatever. Us girls are going out to get pedicures and then to the Melting Pot. I've only been there once, and it's to die for! It is one of my favorite dates with Stefan. We got all dressed up and went there for Valentine's Day. They took our picture, which is now the picture of me he has on his chest. Awwwww....bring out your romance puke-bags! LOL

Sunday we are spending with Sam and Dave. Only 1 week, guys until the Big Day!!!

Facing the Twilight

Once again, I had too much time on my hands at work so I ended up thinking....

Credit and health go hand-in-hand. The rules that govern revolving credit also govern our ultimate health. As most of us are overweight and out of shape, so is our credit. But, if we apply good practices in spending and in our lifestyle, both our credit and health will improve.

We all need to establish credit in order to survive in our society. We cannot do many things without credit. One of the first things we set about doing as young people is establish credit. But we all know youth is wasted on the young, so we use our credit card to buy us things NOW, and we promise ourselves we’ll pay it back later. It’s okay, though, we tell ourselves. We are young and strong and we can easily bounce back. There is plenty of time.

We all know we should eat in a healthy manner and maintain some sort of exercise. But we’re in shape, we’re young, we look good, and our metabolism has never let us down. So we indulge and tell ourselves that we’ll start eating right and exercising when the scale begins going up. It won’t be difficult, we tell ourselves. Those extra few pounds will mean we just don’t eat as much cake, and they’ll go away.

In the beginning, everything is okay. But then, life happens. Job changes. Marriage. Kids. Moving. Bills. Divorce. Unexpected expenses. Before we know it, the sun that once shone so brightly down on us is creeping over into the western hemisphere. The time for us to fulfill our promises comes and goes.

We start making minimum payments on our credit card debt. We make small, half-hearted attempts to eat better. We join a gym with the best of intentions. But the damage has already been done. Once we realize our balance is uncomfortably high, it is too late. The accruing interest on our debt practically keeps us where we are and we realize we can’t make the headway we thought we could. Our metabolism slows down. Our new, healthier eating habits and spurts at the gym are not enough to overcome our expanding waistline. Our willpower is weak. We are in denial. We know we should not use our credit card until the balance is paid down, but resistance is futile. We know that the Oreo cookie will cost us 30 minutes on a treadmill, but we don’t want to believe the cost is that high.

A few years pass like this. We’re not ready to admit our initial assumptions were wrong. If only we could hire a financial analyst or a personal trainer. But we don’t. We just tread water.

The spark of youth is visibly diminishing. We notice we don’t have the fire that our younger counterparts do. Instead, we struggle in a mire of debt and we mourn the death of our high metabolism. We still aren’t ready to do anything about it except whine.

Then, some of us will start being hit with late fees. The doctor tells us our cholesterol levels are high. With the late fees, our interest rate spikes. Now our minimum payments aren’t enough, but we can’t afford any more. Then the over limit fees begin. More serious health consequences loom in front of us if we don’t get a handle on things right away. Diabetes. Clogged arteries. Stroke. Heart attack. Early death.

Some us will heed the call and make the drastic changes necessary to get ourselves on track financially and physically. It will be the hardest thing we have ever done. Others of us will wither and file bankruptcy, both financial and emotional. Sometimes the bankruptcy is enough of a wake-up call, and those will become better because of it. But some of us will give up entirely. Nevertheless, we never know how we’re going to react until we face our own twilight.