Relevance

There is someone in my life who is trying to push my buttons. For a little while, I was determining how and when I should respond to the button-pushing. And then circumstances happened that put the whole darned thing into perspective very quickly.

For starters, Stefan and I recently decided to have Perry neutered. This was not an easy decision for either of us, as we believed we wanted all of our dogs to remain intact. No harm, no foul, right? However, as Cubby continues to mature (physically, not mentally), Perry gets all worked up and continues to instigate fights with him. He had even taken to marking inside the house. All that testosterone was making him edgy and a bit aggressive. So, the grapes had to go.

Perry went in for his procedure Wednesday morning, and I picked him up on the way home from work. He was a bit groggy, but otherwise in good shape. He’d had a pain shot (unbeknownst to us), which would wear off after the pain of the surgery went away. They did not give us any pain medication.

We spent Thanksgiving with the family, where Stefan made the Best Turkey Ever. It was so tender and juicy, he couldn’t even lift it out of the broiler without the meat falling off the bones. He didn’t even have to use the electric knife. After we all ate, we settled in to watch a movie. Perry tried to sleep on the sofa next to me, but he kept shaking and seemed very uncomfortable. I began to worry that his surgery was causing him pain. The shaking continued to worsen, and after a few hours, Perry began vomiting. I figured he was in so much pain from the surgery that the pain was making him sick to his stomach. I was cursing the vets under my breath. We’ve not had a great track record with this vet place. They make mistakes quite often, and I assumed they’d forgotten to give me some pain meds for our little guy.

After a sleepless night of worrying about Perry, I rushed him to the vet’s office as soon as it opened. I told them what was going on, and they dismissed my worries about his pain and discomfort being from his surgery, and that this new thing was merely coincidental. They decided to keep him for the day so they could take x-rays and do some blood work. It was extremely difficult to go home empty-handed, to think that something else might be seriously wrong with our little dude.

To keep ourselves occupied, we went to Home Depot, where we picked out new lighting fixtures for the kitchen. Stefan wanted to thank me in his own way for being such a wonderful wife by re-doing the kitchen. He worked for three days and three nights, painting the kitchen (by brush, no less!), and installing a wine rack, a pot rack, and two new counters. He got it done in time for Thanksgiving. Then, as I drove Amy to her friend’s house, he installed the lighting fixtures we’d picked out. He is the Most Wonderful Husband Ever!!

Saturday, we called the vet’s to see if we could bring our little dude home. When the doctor said the words, “partial kidney failure” and “he could still go on to live a long life,” things kind of blurred. Our poor dog was very, very sick, indeed. The doctor, bless his heart, happened to be a flea and tick enthusiast, and believed our Perry had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which, if left untreated, is a quick killer of dogs. It shuts down the kidneys, and the rest is basically history after that. Fortunately, there is a medication that cures the dog and can reverse the kidney failure. We were able to take Perry home Saturday, and we watched him carefully for signs of improvement or failure. I am relieved to say he is acting much more like himself – playing, laughing, smiling, eating, drinking, and generally being the mischief-maker we know him to be. He is also much more attentive and loving towards us, and not nearly as instigative towards Cubby (a result of the neutering, we believe).

As of Friday, I have also been battling a cold. It’s a minor one, thankfully, but has been just annoying enough to take the fun out of things. Stefan has been a real doll putting up with my cranky ass. He put up all the outdoor Christmas decorations by himself. And he has plans for a new kitchen floor. I’m not exactly sure how I got so lucky, but I’m not going to question it!

All of this occurred so quickly, that it put the button-pusher out of my mind completely. After things began to settle down, I thought about it some. And it dawned on me how trivial the whole thing was, in light of everything that had gone on. Someone who is not even close to me is trying to inflame me.

What really matters is what happens to those closest to me. Everything else is just a minor annoyance, not even worth a passing glance.

Actions and Consequences

Due to the massive public outcry against the upcoming televised interview with OJ Simpson and the impending release of his book, “If I Did It, Here’s How it Happened,” News Corp has cancelled both the Fox interview and the book.

Congratulations and thank you to all of you who made your voice heard. This is a huge victory!

I want to make a point clear, however. At no time did I wish to ban the book or the interview. I fully support the economical, capitalist society we live in and the rights we have under the 1st amendment. News Corp has every right to air the interview and publish the book. What I want to get across is that just as they have the right to freedom of speech, so do we. Just because an “offensive” book gets published, or anything else that hits a nerve, for that matter, doesn’t mean we have to endorse it. We can exercise our freedom of speech as well. And in this case, we did. There was enough of an outcry that we made it clear this project would not be popular or profitable, and therefore, it was tabled. Actions and consequences do exist outside of the courtroom. Sorry, OJ.

I’m going to pick on Judith Reagan for a moment. In an online article I read this morning (which I can’t find now, thanks Yahoo!, for so quickly dumping the stories before I had a chance to bookmark them), Judith Reagan claims that she pressed for the book and the interview because as a former victim of domestic violence, she felt if she could persuade Mr. Simpson to confess, she would get closure on a chapter in her personal life.

How naive.

Perhaps Ms. Reagan did suffer domestic abuse. I recall having similar feelings towards a previous abuser. That was before I realized my role in the situation. Had I had healthy self-esteem and a good sense of personal boundaries, I never would have ended up dating an abusive man. It took me about 8 years to own up to the fact that I was half of the problem. I didn’t egg the person on, but I also did not give clear action/consequence statements about his behavior towards me. I stuck around, thereby teaching him that no matter what he did to me, he didn’t suffer very severe consequences. I allowed him to damage me, until one day I decided I was done. For 8 years after that, I went around with a seething rage inside, wishing I could somehow confront my abuser and hear how apologetic he was about his treatment of me. I even wrote an unpublished book to tell my side of the story. Kind of a personal revenge, I suppose. It did a lot to soothe the rage, and I’m happy to say that my ill feelings towards this person are gone. But not just because I wrote the book. Rather, the rage evaporated when I took a hard look at myself and admitted my role in that unhealthy relationship. Ms. Reagan has yet to get to this point.

Those who abuse others will rarely, if ever, own up to what they did. Even when confronted with overwhelming evidence of their behavior. Why? Because that would mean owning up to the fact that a monster lives within themselves. It took me 8 years to face how my inaction did nothing but train this person that his abuse was okay, not according to the world’s standards, but my own personal standards. How much longer would it take for someone to admit they took advantage of another person’s weaknesses? That they exploited them? It ain’t gonna’ happen.

Every action has a consequence. We all suffer (or thrive), in some way, the consequences of our own actions. It is never completely one person’s fault (Disclaimer: this does not apply to children. Just adults. Acts against children...well that’s an entirely different topic).The sooner we figure this out, the quicker we will become healthy adults.

Making a Stand Against the OJ Circus

Shame on you, OJ Simpson. Shame on you, Judith Reagan, ReganBooks and HarperCollins. Shame on you, Fox Television.

I felt ill when I first heard that OJ was coming out with a book titled, “If I Did It,” which details, hypothetically, how OJ murdered his former wife and her boyfriend. The book is coming out on November 30, 2006. My initial thought was, “wow, someone in the publishing field is getting too greedy!”

Then, it got worse.

Fox Television just announced it is going to air a special two-day interview with none other than OJ Simpson himself and his publisher, Judith Reagan (who is interviewing him), strategically right before his book is due to be released. The special interview will air on November 27 and November 29. Can you say shameless plug? Let’s all say it together, boys and girls: SHAMELESS PLUG!

Like it’s not bad enough that the dude is telling his story in print because he got Double Jeopardy (what other conclusion am I left with?). The book is strategically dropping right before Christmas. And now, he’s getting a two-day televised interview??? Conducted by his publisher???

Does anyone else not see how dispicable this is? Now, I will admit to suffering from some mild curiousity. Just as I do when I pass an accident on the side of the road. But it’s not enough for me to want to run out and buy the book. Or watch the two-day long commercial. I don’t believe that this is something to celebrate or get excited about. To me, it feels like OJ is flaunting his supposed double jeopardy situation, and he, along with ReganBooks, HarperCollins, and now Fox, are going to get rich off what was a tragic occurence. Not to mention all the companies who choose to advertise during the interview. None of this feels right.

How about a nice, feel-good story, instead? You know, maybe a show about a community that banded together to help a fellow neighbor in need. Something that shows the good will of men. Oh, wait. That doesn’t make for a best-seller. It doesn’t make good television ratings.

This is about greed. Sheer greed, pure and simple. It shows off the one side of capitalism that makes me queasy. The side that gets warped. I’m all for individuals making money. But at the expense of others? I wonder how the Brown family and the Goldman family feel right about now?

For that, I am not going to watch Fox Television, and I am not going to purchase any items from ReganBooks and HarperCollins. I don’t want my hard-earned money supporting someone who shamelessly flaunts his power, greed, and riches in front of the nation, but more importantly, in front of the families of the victims. It makes a mockery of the court system. It tells us that if you have enough money, you can buy your way out of anything. Including murder (hypothetically speaking, of course). And then, you can take that bold step forward and turn it into a money-making scheme.

I’m sure my lousy couple of dollars I’m not spending to support OJ and all those who stand to make a killing off this deal (no pun intended), won’t cause anyone to blink an eye. Sometimes it seems to me that when I get passionate about something, I wonder what I can do, as one person, to make a difference. Especially against something so large as this. But in my heart, I know that even if I am one person making a stand, I have stayed true to my beliefs. And that makes it all worthwhile.

I encourage all of you to stay true to yourself, to make a stand when you feel it in your heart to do so. It will make a difference.

By Comparison

Sometimes I feel like I am “behind” in the world. Other times I feel like I am ahead. And on even more rare occasions, I feel that I am right where I should be. It all depends on my mindset, and who I choose to compare myself with at that moment in time. It is a strange phenomenon, really. Why do we do this? It almost seems to be a form of self-torture.

And why is it so easy to look at someone else and instantly think, “She’s so far ahead of me. Look at her. She has two degrees, she’s my age, she has a couple of kids, a nice house, and an office.” Then I look at myself and think, “Why don’t I have what she has? Why am I still sitting at a cube when she is my age and she has an office?” I begin to feel badly about myself. Maybe I should have stuck it out in college. Maybe I should have stuck with that first corporate job back in my twenties, because I probably could have worked my way up by now. But nooooo, I did neither of these things, and that’s why I’m here in my cubicle, envying her in her office. Poop.

Other times I look at someone and think, “I’ve sooooo got it made! Look at her. She’s five years older than me, she’s at least 4 dress sizes larger, still lives in an apartment, has three cats, and no love prospects on the horizon. At least I take care of myself. And I have a house and the most awesomest husband ever. I’ll never be that weird old lady with all the cats, but that’s the path she’s headed down.”

Neither of these scenarios are healthy, but we all do them. We all run these scenes in our head, every day. We do it go give ourselves a mood boost, whatever mood it is we so choose to carry with us that day.

It’s pretty self-defeating when I stop to think about it. And it’s really unfair. It’s unfair to me, and it’s unfair to the person I’m comparing myself against. It’s unfair to both parties for the same reasons: we all walk our own path in life. We are who we are, and we are where we are because of our own actions and choices.

Additionally, we are comparing ourselves to someone else in a small snap-shot of time. We may be catching them at the zenith of their career, or while they’ve got the world on a string. Or we may be catching them at a low point in their lives, where it seems nothing is going right, and they are suffering through a series of unfortunate incidents. We’ve all seen the glamorous movie star, all decked out on the red carpet, and then later seen their mug shot.

That’s when we tend to get narrow-minded. Instead of seeing someone as a whole, we take what we want from the snap-shot and turn it against them or ourselves. But when’s the last time you ever became a better person because you compared yourself with someone else? I don’t think these petty comparisons do anything more than occupy precious brain space. Yet it’s hard not to do it because it feels good. I am guilty as charged.

If our intention is to spurn ourselves to action, then we’d best select a few good role models – someone whose life we’ve observed over a large span of time, and we’ve seen qualities in them that have sustaining power. Those are the people by which we can more accurately measure ourselves. And we find we won’t be so self-deprecating or self-righteous, because these role models didn’t come out perfectly from their mold. They worked towards becoming who they are, just as we choose to do when we select them as our role model.

When we let go of these daily comparisons and select a role model, we can suddenly breathe a sigh of relief. We can begin seeing those around us with fresh eyes – eyes that try to take in the whole picture of their lives, instead of a single snap-shot. It is those moments that we can see ourselves for what we truly are and right where we should be.