By Comparison

Sometimes I feel like I am “behind” in the world. Other times I feel like I am ahead. And on even more rare occasions, I feel that I am right where I should be. It all depends on my mindset, and who I choose to compare myself with at that moment in time. It is a strange phenomenon, really. Why do we do this? It almost seems to be a form of self-torture.

And why is it so easy to look at someone else and instantly think, “She’s so far ahead of me. Look at her. She has two degrees, she’s my age, she has a couple of kids, a nice house, and an office.” Then I look at myself and think, “Why don’t I have what she has? Why am I still sitting at a cube when she is my age and she has an office?” I begin to feel badly about myself. Maybe I should have stuck it out in college. Maybe I should have stuck with that first corporate job back in my twenties, because I probably could have worked my way up by now. But nooooo, I did neither of these things, and that’s why I’m here in my cubicle, envying her in her office. Poop.

Other times I look at someone and think, “I’ve sooooo got it made! Look at her. She’s five years older than me, she’s at least 4 dress sizes larger, still lives in an apartment, has three cats, and no love prospects on the horizon. At least I take care of myself. And I have a house and the most awesomest husband ever. I’ll never be that weird old lady with all the cats, but that’s the path she’s headed down.”

Neither of these scenarios are healthy, but we all do them. We all run these scenes in our head, every day. We do it go give ourselves a mood boost, whatever mood it is we so choose to carry with us that day.

It’s pretty self-defeating when I stop to think about it. And it’s really unfair. It’s unfair to me, and it’s unfair to the person I’m comparing myself against. It’s unfair to both parties for the same reasons: we all walk our own path in life. We are who we are, and we are where we are because of our own actions and choices.

Additionally, we are comparing ourselves to someone else in a small snap-shot of time. We may be catching them at the zenith of their career, or while they’ve got the world on a string. Or we may be catching them at a low point in their lives, where it seems nothing is going right, and they are suffering through a series of unfortunate incidents. We’ve all seen the glamorous movie star, all decked out on the red carpet, and then later seen their mug shot.

That’s when we tend to get narrow-minded. Instead of seeing someone as a whole, we take what we want from the snap-shot and turn it against them or ourselves. But when’s the last time you ever became a better person because you compared yourself with someone else? I don’t think these petty comparisons do anything more than occupy precious brain space. Yet it’s hard not to do it because it feels good. I am guilty as charged.

If our intention is to spurn ourselves to action, then we’d best select a few good role models – someone whose life we’ve observed over a large span of time, and we’ve seen qualities in them that have sustaining power. Those are the people by which we can more accurately measure ourselves. And we find we won’t be so self-deprecating or self-righteous, because these role models didn’t come out perfectly from their mold. They worked towards becoming who they are, just as we choose to do when we select them as our role model.

When we let go of these daily comparisons and select a role model, we can suddenly breathe a sigh of relief. We can begin seeing those around us with fresh eyes – eyes that try to take in the whole picture of their lives, instead of a single snap-shot. It is those moments that we can see ourselves for what we truly are and right where we should be.